I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
