I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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