The best revenge is premature balding
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
