I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
