In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
