Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
