pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
