the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
