Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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