i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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