went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
