Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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