stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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