My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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