She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
