i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
