Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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