I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
