Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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