I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
