Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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