worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
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no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
there is puke in my bra ... again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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