I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
