he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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