Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
