sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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