I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
