Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
