Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
