There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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