My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
