So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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