Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
