mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
