Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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