I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize