We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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