I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
