you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
