he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
