It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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