She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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