I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
