how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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