Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
