evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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