dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
