Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
