The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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