Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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