he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
