why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
