we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
