well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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