i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
