I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize