Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
