the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
