Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
where are you?
Hypothermia
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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