you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
