FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
