you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
