also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
