So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
