my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
