He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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