Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
