i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
